Tami Knight: Take two of the Blawwwg

Posted on: January 7, 2008


Editor's Note: We've long been charmed by the sartorial wit and uniquely esoteric perspective of Madam Tami Knight, whose cartoons have graced our pages since the start. One scotch too many a month or two ago, we thought it would be a good idea to bring Tami to Jackson to report on The Alpinist Film Festival for our readers who are unable to attend. Getting her to actually say something about adventure films in general and the AFF in particular presents its challenges, but stay tuned: Tami will be blogging (or blawging, as she puts it) from now until the dust of the event has settled.

You've been warned.

I'm really fussy about the films I watch. Ski porn and bouldering porn never did crank my tractor - actually they really fucking piss me off.

:: chord with the thumpin' bashfest of rock supplied by indy thrashers "dead gorilla heads on a pike" from their latest album KY J3LLy Loobz My C3r3al :: ( Karaoke version downloadable )

(wide shot power zoom to xxxtreeem c.u. esp on some of those sponsor logos)

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( close up fer u non-filmies )

Big Mountains & the Dude jumps outta the chopper, board already strapped on and vaaarrrhhhhhh dumps into the cool-wahr & ( cut to wideshot ) ( cut away to toque flyin' off and , miraculously, we see the logo ) and down the 'wahrrr he snakes, over the cliff emerging from the sluicing snow ( voice-over of yells in heliwhupter ; camera shakes as Dude picks up the beat again ) ...or not ( fast cross-fade to next Dude ). Should Dude auger after the cliff there's always the quick cut or cross fade to Dude Number Two.

( or even Dudette - but they're usually doing the acro shit in the pipeline under the name of Sassy ). Always there at the frame bottom is Dude(tte)'s Name, The Mountain, Where on Earth is it is to be found, the Aspect and - of course - iffit'sa first descent.

Bouldering films are the same shit different pile. ( establishing shot of old Econoline van w/ tunes blarin' drivin' some barren US Hwy ). Same haircut, same blue eyes but now in cotton sponsors clothes and on rocks ( background voices yellin' SEND SEND SENDSENDSENDSEND ) but you still get the Dude's Name, the Problem, the Name of the Place Where the Rock Is, the omnipotent Rating and - of course - iffit'sa first ascent.

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